Hellooooo!! This week has just flown by again. Have to admit, It's been a little bit of a downer. We didn't reach our goals for the week, and that was hard for me cause you know me...The Perfectionist. And I really wanted to reach the goals to end on...but it's alright. WHEW! I'm not really sure how to feel right now... sad, stressed, happy, excited, peaceful, frustrated, everything! Here's a few of my concerns:
1) The 'no baptism' thing has been really rough on me--not feeling like I have done enough or if I have helped enough. I can't see the fruits. Sister Ricketts always reminds me how hard we work. I guess I'll just have to have faith that it was enough.
2) Yesterday was my last Sunday (I think) in the now San Jose WARD! It is now officially moving up from a branch of 50 to a ward of 75! It's been great to see the changes. Also we got a new Bishop which was also bittersweet because our Branch President, President Escobido, has been there for 16 years. He's amazing! He gave his last testimony as Branch President, which was really sweet. I can't imagine the love I would feel being like a father for the branch I'm serving... I'm sure it'll be an adjustment for him not to sit on the stand anymore--both for him and for the ward.
3) The language thing is still annoying... I say the same sentences/word combinations EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. It's really frustrating. I can hardly wait to have the language down better. But I am grateful for how far I've come by being in this area first. I was told coming here that San Jose has the deepest Tagalog speakers. Every area has their own way of speaking, but here in the Batangas area, people speak REALLY FAST. For the most part, I can hold a conversation with people. It'll be weird going from training to now just being a normal missionary. I think I'll really miss having 4 hours of study every day!
4) I'm so scared to leave my investigators.... they are still planting these seeds of faith and I want to still help them. It's hard to leave them and just say bye... There's so much to think about and do these next few days... wash all my clothes little by little, my sheets, and say goodbye to some members and investigators like Lucky, Mergie, Juliet etc. (Oh ya, speaking of members, I gave one of my necklaces to one of the members. She really liked it and I'm pretty sure there's more back home so... I gave it to her. She loves it so much and it's cuter on her than on me.)
5) So you know something funny... I'm also really scared to leave this current house...it's SO NICE... what if I get attacked by the roaches? Or lizards? Also, guess what? They have rats the size of full grown cats here in the Philippines...not good. What if I go somewhere that has those?
So, I'm not sure if I really like transfers that much...
Anyways.. I'm nervous for tomorrow (that is the day that they will be calling me to tell me where I will be going, if I am transferred.) Sheesh...what if I'm not transferred? I sometimes secretly wish I would be training again because then I would know what's expected of me...I'm scared of what will happen since all I know is San Jose and either being trained or training someone! But it's good, too. I remember having this distinct impression come to me that the Lord is preparing other people for me to talk to and teach. So that's exciting and something I need to keep remembering! Wow...roller coaster emotions...up and down!
So this week, I'm really grateful for my companion Sister Ricketts. Sister Ricketts has shown me what a true friend is...what true love and charity are. She's helped me overcome some really tough stuff and she loves me even for my faults. Sorry this week that nothing really happened... but next week I'm sure I will have more to say about EVERYTHING! Anyways... I love you all so much. :) CAN'T WAIT to hear from you next week!!!
xoxo, Sister Seastrand