Mostly every week tends to be like a rollercoaster ride. Sometimes it's like that brand new rollercoaster with pads on the sides of the seats, and sometimes it's like the old wooden ones that were the first ride built in the entire park back in 1890. I guess I can say that this week felt like it was more like the second option. How many times a day did I think to myself, "OK I'm a 14 month missionary now. I can handle this investigator." OR "I'm 14 months now and I know how to deal with this problem." Reality check to ME: I sometimes really can't. No matter how many months- I can't afford to even think about relying on my own talents, tagalog, many experiences, everything. And Humility check to ME: We need Heavenly Father's love and approval more often than we might think. So even tho it's been a rickety rollercoaster ride, this week has been a wonderful experience.
We had an investigator who we've been teaching for quite some time come to church today! It was so wonderful to see her walk in the door with her son. I know that she is changing. It made me think about how Heavenly Father feels when He sees us change every day. The way I feel when I see those changes in people's lives is indescribable. It's so humbling and joyful to focus on helping people to come unto Christ. HOW MUCH MORE joy our Heavenly Father must feel.
This week I've had a wonderful chance to come unto Christ again. I sometimes really have no idea what I'm doing here...seriously. Sometimes I really love it, and sometimes I just feel small and insignificant to the lives of these people. I'm trying to be sincere in my efforts even when I feel heavy inside. But I share all of it to Heavenly Father and I know He gets it. I think I tend to just get overwhelmed and upset at times, or truly discouraged inside, and it is a pretty heavy feeling. But I felt the Spirit telling me to draw nearer to Heavenly Father through prayer. I am growing in my testimony of prayer. There's the hymn that says "Prayer is the soul's sincere desire." What is my soul's sincere desire? Every time Sister Rafi and I teach about prayer, I always ask myself, "What is the soul's sincere desire for this person?" All of us have sincere desires and ambitions, goals, dreams, etc, and the PERFECT example of reaching goals and dreams is our Father in Heaven. I know that He listens to me and understands my heart. That's a great knowledge I've gained from my mission that I love testifying of: He knows us. All in all, I LOVE it. I have been able to come unto Christ in so many ways.
This week also had a WAKE UP CALL MOMENT for me...one of the members shared her testimony on family history work and BOY let me tell you, probably the most powerful thing I've heard for a long time. She shared about how our family history is not necessarily being able to see the immediate blessings, but more so on the eternal side of things. She gave me a whole new look on doing family history/ temple work for the dead. It's pretty amazing to think that Heavenly Father is expecting us to help both sides of the veil. What a great joy it will be to meet those spirit children who received the blessings of the temple. So. DO YOUR FAMILY HISTORY. If you haven't, get started.
Sister Rafisura and I are just having this growing desire to FIND! We are hungry for some new investigators and prepared referrals. We are taking this week on some of the days to visit with and teach members. It's going to be a great opportunity to build unity and trust with them. Trust and unity are KEY to missionary work in the ward. I'm hopeful as we go into this next transfer cycle. The finding begins- the glasses are ON and clearer than ever. We've already got a new referral to contact and teach. YES!
Sometimes I really don't know how to express everything I'm learning. I know I only have 3 cycles left as a missionary but I'm going to make it the most celestial part of my mission. Who knows what the Lord wants from me in these last months of my service. Like you said Bryan, I'll give ALL I've got! I've gotta leave it all in the vineyard. I literally picture myself that way. With gloves and harvesting tools for the vineyard every day. I want my work to be approved. It's not easy, but it's fulfilling. :) I love it and yet I want to cry my eyes out at times. Sometimes that happens at my study desk--haha--and my comp is like, "Sister!! What is happening!" haha. She's been a good support to me. As President Peterson always said, "Work, work, work that is the secret!" :)
Love you all so much!